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  • Establishing Order Over Tall Orders
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  • I Work For Me, Myself, And I

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Coworkers

    (I work in a very, very small non-profit. I’m having a meeting with a coworker.)

    Coworker: “The finance committee can’t come up with a budget until the board supplies them with numbers, which they get from marketing.”

    Me: “You do realize that you are all those groups?”

    At The Height Of Rush Hour

    | CT, USA | Bosses & Owners, Coworkers, Health & Body

    (I’m working at the front doors. There are a lot of people coming in and out, and I’m directing traffic as best as I can, but it’s a Friday night so there are a lot of people. Also note that I’m 4’11” / 1.49 meters. This happens over the walkie-talkie.)

    Manager #1: “We need someone at the front doors at all times!”

    Manager #2: “[My Name] should be there. You probably can’t see her because she’s so small!”

    It’s A Repeat Order

    , | Reno, NV, USA | At The Checkout, Employees, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, can I have a chicken bacon ranch salad with grilled chicken?”

    Worker: “You want a salad?”

    Me: “Yes. Chicken bacon ranch salad.”

    Worker: “A bacon salad?”

    Me: “Yes… a chicken bacon ranch salad.”

    Worker: “You want a bacon chicken salad?”

    Me: “Yes, a chicken bacon ranch salad with grilled chicken.”

    Worker: “What kind of dressing?”

    Me: “…ranch.”

    Worker: “You wanted chicken on that? What kind?”

    Me: “…grilled.”

    Worker: “Okay… okay… ranch bacon salad with grilled chicken and ranch?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (Luckily they got my order right…)

    Have Other Duties To Perform

    | Ottawa, ON, Canada | Bizarre/Silly, Bosses & Owners, Health & Body

    (It’s late in the evening and I’m the only cashier supervisor in the building. Therefore when I go for break I keep my wireless phone with me in case anyone in the store needs me. I am in the bathroom and it rings. I see the store manager’s office on the call display so I decide I better answer it.)

    Me: “Hi, it’s [My Name].”

    Manager: “Hey, can you meet me in my office? I want to talk to you about one of your cashiers.’

    Me: “Sure, give me five minutes. I’m just tied up with something right now.”

    (I lean a little too far forward and the auto-flush goes off. Naturally the phone picks up the sound.)

    Manager: “When you say ‘tied up with something’…”

    Me: “I guess you could say that I’m taking care of business.”

    Just Realised How That Sounded

    | WI, USA | Bosses & Owners, Health & Body, Technology

    (I was mute for three years due to functional dysphonia. Because most of my employment history was as an agent in various call centers, it was tough finding a job during that time. Fortunately, I was able to land a job as a QA specialist at a call center which required only listening and typing, not talking. At one point the building maintenance guys are doing something to the wiring in our building, and the phone at my desk, which shouldn’t have even been connected, starts ringing.)

    Me: *instant-messaging a manager* “My phone rang!”

    Manager: “It can’t ring. Yours isn’t even connected.”

    Me: “But it’s ringing!”

    Manager: “So answer it.”

    Me: “How?”

    Manager: “What do you mean ‘how’? Just pick up the phone and t— Never mind.”

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